Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Do I believe?

It's early in the morning for me and I am not asleep. God has been very good to me. He's blessed me with very good health for the vast majority of my life. He hasn't asked many hard things from me. And he's given me lots materially. I am not a rich man, but I have more than I need and more than I owe. However, this morning I'm having trouble going back to sleep.

The reason for that is this: I own a second home, an investment property.  It is a duplex that I rent out, on one side to my own niece.  It is a large home I bought for a decent price.  And the income from this home has helped me get by during this time while my girlfriend has been out of work.  It's been good to me and good for me.  Only now, there is a problem.

Somehow during the buying process nobody told me the roof would need replacing in the first five years.  The way I did the purchase and the financing, I could have easily replaced the roof and had a more than manageable payment for the mortgage.  But that's water under the bridge.  The roof needs replacing now and will cost me a considerable sum.  And the bank yesterday told me I had insufficient value in the house to borrow against it what I need to fix the roof.

There is a solution to this.  What it is, I don't know.  But there is one.  However, I am saying to myself this morning if I believed, truly believed, the promise from God in my heart of hearts, I'd be able to go back to sleep this morning instead of sitting here typing this instead.

However, I think the little voice in my head is wrong.  I believe I do believe.  I have prayed about my financial situation and I got a message from God that it was going to be all right.  I believed it when I got it, I believed it when it looked like I was going to be able to get a loan to replace the roof.  And I believe it now.

My conclusion is that my trepidation this morning comes from being human and not knowing the answer.  Back when I thought I would borrow against what I thought the value of the house was, this issue with the roof was not a problem but an annoyance.  And I was okay with it.  But not knowing the answer has sewn seeds of fear and doubt in my heart.  But they will not take root.  I will not let them.

Back when I first tried to buy this house, there were struggles and setbacks.  It looked like a lot of time and effort that was going to be wasted.  But I believed and I persevered and it eventually came through for me in a better deal than I imagined.  And, as I said, it has seen me through a rough time financially right now.

This seems to always happen: right when I am on the edge of doing something really good, I hit a devastating setback.  It's as if God is asking the question "How much do you really want it?  How much do you really believe?  How much do you really trust me?"  And that's a choice.  So even though this morning I am not sleeping, I choose to believe that God will deliver me as he has promised he would.

Stay tuned.